I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
