I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
