Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
