our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
