Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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