What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
