My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
