So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
