You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
