And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
