Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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