Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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