it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
