john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize