I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You left your phone here
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