Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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