I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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