so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize