Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
