Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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