I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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