he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
