What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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