On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
