Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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