I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
