Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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