did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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