I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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