this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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