i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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