I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
