so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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