I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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