I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
