why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
