Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
third nipple confirmed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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