I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
