The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
