I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i drank out of a bidet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
