Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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