accomplished twins. life is a go
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
