How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
