you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
