Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
