im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
