pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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