I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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