Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
