she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
