Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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