You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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