I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
