Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
