Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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