Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
