There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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