Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
