do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
