im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
