Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
