i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
