my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
