You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
