I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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