He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
