Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
