he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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