Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
