ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
