these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
