well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
