were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
