She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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