i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize