Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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