I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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