he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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