is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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