It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
